Review #107

November 27, 2015

When I had bought this game I was already convinced there wasn't going to be a need for a review. It was Rock Band 4.0 and it was another day at the office, same shit different day, if you enjoyed the previous ones you were probably going to enjoy this one... or so I lead myself to believe. I've had the game for some time now and I'm ready to throw my two cents into the mix about this game. I'm going to lump some Guitar Hero stuff in here probably as well for good measure. Why not, I didn't buy the game but I have played enough of it at my friend's house. 

First off, what the fuck is up with this playlist? This is a major problem I have with this game. I have migrated from Xbox and moved over to Playstation when it comes to consoles so I left all my DLC behind. All my songs I previously bought over the years, gone. Fuck it, I can afford to buy them again if I really wanted. I thought it was going to be okay, I thought the stock playlist would be enough to get me through until I made enough cash to get my songs back. Holy fuck, I can't even being to explain how BORING the guitar is for this game. I was an avid guitar player, I will wail and have a good time to my favorite songs that I know and love. I know like 4 songs in this game and have no idea what sort of rhythm they have, etc. This is incredibly frustrating, not because the songs are hard, but simply because I don't give a FUCK about these songs. I'm slugging through these "shows" that I'm forced to play, the whole time in my head like: I have no idea what this song is from the title, I have no idea how fucking hard it is, let's just PICK ONE AT RANDOM. I hate it. This new way to do the Tour Mode in this game is fucking atrocious. At least have a way to tell me that the song I just chose at random is 6 star song (you know 5 dots with the little demon heads). You fail the song, you lose the ability to have any stars for that song, just a big FUCK YOU, deal with it, carry on to the next song with no retry, no nothing. Okay I get it,  you're trying to emulate a fucking real show, AGAIN, LET ME CHOOSE THE DIFFICULTY OF THE SONGS I WANT TO PLAY. You expect me to memorize this shitty playlist and then pick the song I might not fail at the end of because it has some ridiculous solo I've never even heard before? Great.

Now I can understand that it's not a problem if you have Freestyle Solo mode on. THAT SHIT IS FUCKING BITCH MODE. Just wail on the frets and make some garbled mess of noise and rack up points somehow, you better believe I turned that shit off right quick. What the fuck is that, it makes it easier to pass songs with solos, but that was half the reason you buy the game to be challenged by the solos, that's why we all played Through The Fire and the Flames a million times trying to be like that one kid who 100% that motherfucker. Yeah it was never going to happen, but it was fun to try. Why are the songs randomized anyways? I have enough RNG in my life without Rock Band coming in to ruin the fun. That is a huge problem with this installment of Rock Band, the guitar part isn't fun anymore. It feels forced and the fret orders are just thrown in there. I remember playing and have a real sense of rhythm, OH YOU MEAN RHYTHM IN A FUCKING RHYTHM GAME? I WOULDN'T HAVE GUESSED, I THOUGHT YOU JUST WANTED TO RANDOMLY WAIL ON YOUR PLASTIC GUITAR YOU FUCKING SUPERSTAR. This is a problem that the latest RB and Guitar Hero games have. They try and emulate the real thing, if I wanted to play real guitar I would pick up one of the two in my room and do that, but I'm not good enough to fucking do that, I bought Rocksmith, everyone and their fucking cousin who wanted to play real guitar bought that game AND REAL GUITARS. It wasn't that "fun" that's why you don't really see anyone playing it.

So Rock Band is supposed to be a "party" game, yeah well, everyone and their fucking mom sucks at this game. That's why you added "No Fail Mode" right. Okay cool idea. I've never met a person who was like: yeah, turn that on. Everyone has more fun trying to complete a song or being helped by their comrades (via star power) rather than that pointless shit on, they don't learn to play if that stupid mode is on. Well maybe they do, but I've seen a lot of discouraged faces in my day when you suggest it. It's like a non-physical punch to their ego. It's better to have turned that shit on in the options before they come in the room than bear to ask them if they're not confident enough to play and then they fail or "not fail" for so long and then they just give up.  I have no real solution for this to be honest, they're going to have to just pick it up and keep trying to get better on their own time, or with me helping them but it seems like the "willingness" for that wavers from person to person.

Alright, let's get back to why the playlist for this fucking game sucks. I don't care for any of the songs except the one System of A Down and maybe a few others that I know, but let's be serious, who knows these songs? I guess they're just under the impression that the playlist for this game doesn't sell it anymore and they'd be stone cold wrong, brother. They put the 4 artists that people know in big letters on the box so people get excited and that excitement immediately dies when you realize that those 4 songs are the only ones you know and not only that they're not even that artist's best fucking song. Oh, you wanted their best song? Buy it in our Store fuck face. Wow, way to pull a fucking EA, Harmonix, why don't you just slap me in the face in person, I already spent $350 on this garbage heap because you RAISED THE PRICE TWICE. I couldn't believe that shit, the cashier at the game store is smugly telling me about how he got the game cheaper because he pre-ordered it the second it went up and here I am a month away from release, STRONGLY AGAINST PRE-ORDERING IT BUT YOU PROMISED ME EXTRA SONGS SO HERE I AM. OH FUCKING SURPRISE THE EXTRA SONGS ARE FROM THE PREVIOUS GAMES AND THEY'RE FUCKING SHIT. (well one or two of them I'm fond of, barely) annnnnd the price was way higher than I had seen online. Big fuck me, amirite.

So what is fun about this game? The Drums. The drums in this game are fun, because let's be honest here, it doesn't really matter what the song is as long as the rhythm patterns are fun and boy are they fun on drums. It's like they shot the fun-police in the guitar department and focused on making the drums not shitty. The kit itself is a work of art, I mean the bass pedal could be a little less shitty, but you learn to love it and "feel" what they intended when they make it, it has weight and its fucking nice to stomp on and I don't feel like I'm going to break the thing. The whole kit is solid, well I think my blue pad sounds kind of funny but you can tell they made the pads sound different based on how you hit it, THEY MADE THE FUCKING PADS SOUND DIFFERENT WHEN YOU HIT THEM, THAT'S FUCKING MAGIC. IT'S LIKE A REAL KIT ALMOST. You know because you can't sit there and fucking look at which pad is being smacked, you just have to kind of know and you can't really tell if you hit the wrong one, but what if we made it sound just a tad different if you hit the blue one which sounds different from the green one. FUCKING! GENIUS! I want to hire a gigolo to suck off the drum department. The drums save this game for me. I wish I could say the same for the guitar.

I honestly thought it was hard to fuck up a Rock Band guitar, oh wait, I mean Guitar Hero guitar because I used the same one for like as many years as Guitar Hero 3 has been out. The Rock Band guitar on the other hand is fucking retardation at its finest. I get it, it's modeled after a fucking Startocaster, this thing strokes off Fender in ways that I can only imagine, but did they have to make my hand feel like a butt when I try and use it. I get it the clicking is fucking annoying so you made the whole thing quiet as fuck to use, that's good, now where is my feedback? You see when you went to make this guitar quiet, you forgot that we were all used to the feedback that the guitar had. THAT TACTILE RESPONSE IS FUCKING IMPORTANT. It's got me all fucked when I try and play. The buttons are also really close to one another, like when one ends the other one starts, this is also a fucking problem, THIS IS BESIDES THE FACT THE BUTTONS EXTEND TO THE BOTTOM OF THE FRET BOARD, WHAT THE FUCK BRUH. My fingers slip and tap the next button and accidentally trigger the wrong fret from the bottom ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. It drives me insane, it doesn't matter how many hours I pour into this BORING game trying to get my hand to unlearn years of Guitar Hero guitar experience to learn this new piece of shit. Also they didn't take into account the size of the guitar it seems. The whammy bar is in a ridiculously far and obscure location and my hand keeps SWITCHING THAT FUCKING SWITCH AT THE BOTTOM. That switch changes the sound of your solos and what not, I like mine on Echo, you change it to Wah Wah or whatever the fuck other 4 variations that exist and its so pointless and it's also incredibly annoying when you change it to a audio variation you don't exactly like, it turns your solos into shit. Who exactly enjoys Wah Wah, no one, that's who. There are certain songs that call for that effect and that's cool, not all my solos need that shit, there aren't even any Jimmy Hendrix songs on this fucking game. Why did they put it in such a weird location. It just seems that most of the controls on the guitar are in awkward positions. I find myself rubbing the guitar a lot looking for the control I want, and again it goes with experience with this kind of controller but at the same time the Guitar Hero 3 controller was so intrinsic. I knew what I was doing whether it was for PlayStation or Xbox, that's how well they were made. Blah blah blah, I'm a fucking bitch, learn the use the controller, retard. Sure, whatever. It still fucking sucks.

I haven't even touched the singing part, not because I can't sing, but this brings me back to my ORIGINAL ARGUMENT THAT I KNOW 3 FUCKING SONGS IN THIS GAME. I'm not singing this hipster crap, fuck you Harmonix. I have no idea how well the mic works for this game for this reason and I'm going to keep it out of my review. As far as I know the singing part is usually okay in this game as long as you know the words and aren't tone deaf.

Basically, if you have all the songs in the world for this game, buy it and enjoy playing the same songs on a new console with new peripherals, for everyone else if you're not a huge fan of this game, then it's not a big deal and feel free to skip over it or whatever, I'm not your dad.






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