So, in short, today you enter the brain of yours truly. I am currently on my lunch break and I figured I'd let you in on my love of apples. (beware: possibly tmi)
1) They are good for you. Ask anyone. Ask your dog. Ask your cat. Definitely do not ask your neighbor though. 'Cause fuck that guy. Thats why.
2) They're like nautures way of saying 'hey man I know flossing your teeth is such a huge chore why not let me do that for you.' Awww thanks mother nature! :D
3) After further debate and hypothesis I can only assume the feel of biting into an apple is the same as the feel a zombie gets as he bites into your flesh for that first time. Now only if that apple could scream it's last moments as I devour it.
4) Spoiler: This gets sexual. One can only go so long before Mrs. Butterworth gets really sexy. Same applies for apples but not as you would expect. Ever look closely at them green apples and see them tiny delicate dimples? It only takes a moment to picture that as the sligtly goosbumped skin on the stomach of the sexually aroused but trembling female you currently have benath you.
5) Apple mother fucking pies. Like seriously. Whoever invented baking is a genious. 'Hey, you know what would be good inside this dough shit?' 'Apples?' 'Fucking apples'
written by: demonphoenix37