November 18, 2015
Alright, I'm not going to bother writing a review for this game. It's not that I couldn't, it's just... let's play a game and its called "let's get real" and it starts with you getting real. There are already a million reviews, guides and all sorts of other bullshit out there. I don't need to try and even attempt to join the pool of bullshit you can sieve though and spend just amount the same time it would take you to do all the side quests. That isn't going to stop me from at least trying to "talk" about it. Talk in quotations there because I'm typing and you're reading. Scanning the lines of text with your eye holes and then the squishy thing in the back of your head somehow turns that into cognitive goop that you understand and works with your conscious abilities to comprehend what you're trying to understand. You're probably not even reading this with the same voice in your head that I'm using. Maybe you are. Stop that. Who said you could use my voice!? How did you even do that? you some sort of psychic or some shit? Did you ever just sit on the bus or whatever and just start thinking about something you know is fucked up like your parents having sex or like how your dogs asshole might taste like if you only tried to tongue it and then realized that you're thoughts are insanely perverted and fucked up so you then get paranoid that someone near you might be psychic and you just start thinking about nuns or elevator music. I guess the nun thing is kind of bad because you know that only just leads to you thinking about nuns fucking and doing other non-nun things. It's not even like they're attractive, you're the one thinking of hot young and single nuns pulling out their tits and then sucking on them, NOT ME! I DON'T EVEN GO TO CHURCH! THEY'RE PROBABLY OLD LADIES ANYWAYS WITH SAGGY NUN TITS! THE CONCEPT OF A YOUNG NUN DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE, HALLOWEEN WAS FUCKING 18 DAYS AGO DUDE.
I feel like we got a little side tracked.
Then again a large part of this is probably not even going to be about this game. Just go play it, you don't need my bullshit getting in the way of whether or not you play the stupid thing, you know its going to be at least a little fun. It's even got a building part in it for all those autistic kids who spend way too much time playing Minecraft. That's right, build up your little settlements, collect all that scrap and build some giant dick building or something, run around with Piper in her underwear and collect fucking scrap to build a giant sex slave den with lazer guided democracy turrets and have Dogmeat serve up some of the bestiality entertainment. Fucking do whatever you want, be a good guy, be an asshole, who cares?! That's the best part of that game, you can do whatever you want, I mean hell I shot my stupid ass son the face the minute I could. Killed all the stupid bastards that came at me right afterwards too. COME AT ME BRO, I'VE ALREADY GOT 50 HOURS INTO THIS GAME YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME? I'VE SLAUGHTERED COUNTLESS OTHERS, HOW DOES A .50 CAL BULLET TO THE FACE TASTE? FUCK YOUR PUSSY ASS LAZER SHIT, CAN'T EVEN PHASE ME BRO GET FUCKING NO SCOPED! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MANY CHEMS I'M ON RIGHT NOW? I GOT SHIT ON LOCK!
I mean for fuck sakes*, it's only been out a week and I'm already running into Rule 34 shit all over the place. (some of it was pretty good too tbh, y'all know shadebase? go check it out and whip your dick back and forth or flick your bean or whatever it is your got down there could be some weird mushy testicle shit for all I know). You see this is what happens when you spend too much time by yourself and get all hopped up on Dayquil while watching these fucked up animations that pop up on your YouTube feed. What is the sun? It's November in Canada, I haven't seen the sun since August, I'm about as pale white as Jim Gaffigan in a snow storm. Not really, but I mean it could be true for you know. This is the internet. I mean you could be pants down fapping to my voice in your head right now as you read this. Hey, I'm not telling you to stop, I'm just saying be a little gentler to yourself, you know what I'm talking about, yeah right there, I know what you like because guess what, I'm just a voice in your head and you know what you like because you're doing it right now, I have no control over that shit, that's all you playa.
It's really hard for me to imagine that there are even people to convince to play this fucking game, I mean who hasn't at least tried of the Fallout games? Oh right, those fucking kids who do nothing but play Call of Duty and suck IGN's Doritos powdered covered cock and give it 9 out of 10 reviews when a game like that really deserves a 5. I would hope that kids wouldn't have played that game, but if I know anything about parents it's that they just get kids whatever they want without doing any sort of research and wonder when they're kid grows up fucked up. I mean if you didn't want them being exposed to gruesome violence and responsibilities like nuking an entire town while laughing about it and then laying waste to mutated monsters than maybe you should have Googled something for once in your fucking life. It takes like 3 fucking minutes, WATCH A FUCKING TRAILER OR SOMETHING YOU MORE OR LESS GET THE IDEA THAT THIS GAME IS FUCKED UP. You know I say all that shit but I think we both know that video games have almost no real impact on how moral your kid is. Unless you're that impressionable, I mean white kid shoot up schools all the time nowadays but let's keep our guns and fund another war while we're at it. I mean videogames definitely affect their emotional well-being and or something, who the fuck knows, you know I only got 1 semester in psychology and I didn't even learn that much. BACK ON TRACK HERE, I started playing this series at Fallout 3 (good fucking job m8 play the game before the most recent one, kek, faggot, kill yourself. THERE WAS NEW VEGAS IN BETWEEN 3 AND 4 YOU RETARD). the reason for that was, well, it came to Xbox 360 and it looked cool, I'm pretty sure someone was like: hey, clear, play this fucking game. SO I PLAYED THE FUCKING GAME. As much as it hurts to say this I was a fucking console peasant at the start too, YOU KNOW WE ALL GOTTA START FUCKING SOMEWHERE AND I COULD ONLY AFFORD A 360, I WAS 15 GET OFF MY DICK. I already sold that 360 and all my games but the memories remain. I remember spending so much time playing both Fallout 3 and New Vegas. Like, a lot of time, like I can remember years of my life where I was playing those games. Like shit, how long were those fuckers? Well to be fair I had far less time to play games back then and the internet wasn't really a thing that I had the pleasure of using all the time. Online multiplayer games weren't a huge part of my life yet, so games like Fallout and KOTR picked up the slack. This is back in my completionist stage, I used to try and do everything a game had to offer. The good ol' days. Now I burn through the campaign and call it good and hop on a fucking never ending game like Minecraft or FFXIV or Destiny or some other MMO bullshit or never ending procedure style game. Spend all my time doing the same repetitive bullshit multiplayer. I NEVER SAID I DIDN'T PLAY COD OR BATTLEFIELD.
The beauty of a game like Fallout 4 is that because you can do whatever you want at almost any time (as long as its quest related or part of the story that is still locked, etc. SO MAYBE YOU CAN'T JUST DO WHATEVER, YOU GET THE FUCKING IDEA, YOU KNOW WITHOUT ANY SORT OF CONSTRAINTS ITS JUST A SANDBOX AND HOW MUCH FUN CAN YOU HAVE IN A FUCKING SANDBOX? AFTER CASTLE 4 I'M SURE IT GETS PRETTY FUCKING BORING DOESN'T IT. I GUESS ANARCHY WASN'T SO GREAT NOW IS IT). Unless we're talking about killing important NPCs, they don't die and that's pretty annoying. I liked that in 3 you could kill someone important and by someone, I mean almost everyone and it would seriously fuck up a lot of quests for you but that was the reality of it. You know games these days just fucking hold your hand too much, objectives are so easy to find, and its like I have invisible hands guiding my experience at every fucking moment. I'm on the fence about how I feel about it, I'm all about a good narrative, but that means that you're completely out of control, and that can get boring, they ragged on Final Fantasy 13 and Metal Gear Solid a lot for being more of a movie then a game. Fuck those assholes they only played the beginning of the game and didn't get to the actual "game" part of it and don't deserve the sweet rewards that came with getting to that part in the first place. FUCK THOSE CAUSAL FUCKS, and then on the other hand, when you're completely just left alone to your devices shit gets boring real fast. The problem is that you don't know what you can do and the lack of conveyance is frustrating, so people just give up. Fallout does a really fucking good job of doing both. Taking control when it needs to and then let you do whatever the fuck you want right afterwards. It gives you gentle nudges here and there to kind of keep you from wandering mindlessly for hours on end, I mean you can do that anyways, but usually it'll be like, yo, not to be intrusive, but there might be something of interest over here, its not a dick, hey! I said it wasn't my dick! I have clothes under this fucking jacket you know, here look, SYKE, IT WAS TOTALLY MY DICK HAHAHA! but yeah, fucking lots of things to do. This game excels at having side shit to do, I mean I beat the main story quest line at such a breakneck speed that I thought I was just getting started. To be fair the main quest line in New Vegas was way longer, but that might be false as well because you spend so much time doing side shit to even care about that. I mean I fucked off for 30 hours and just dicked around killing things and making money (swag). There is so much to explore that the anger and whatever motivation you had at the beginning fades the minute you're dropped into the wasteland and you come across all the other shit you can do. You're super pumped and ready for revenge and then you just spend a lot of time killing things and wondering "hey, what's over there? I wonder if I can get a sweet gun by doing this, hey I totally need this to mod my gun..." then it's been 20 hours and you haven't even gotten close to completing the second quest and you might as well have thrown off your wedding ring at this point since you're smooth talking everything with two legs that isn't going to radiate your dick off. It's great that whatever SPECIAL attributes or perks you choose to go with completely change how you do something. I mean the end result might be completely the same or different based on how you chose to spec out your character. Some people might still be alive or dead depending, you might have different companions, have resolved conflicts in a completely different way, obtained or missed out on certain important items, it's all there and its all based on how you play, it's fucking crazy! That's why this game gets so many play-throughs that are all equally as fun. There are no right answers and there are no wrong answers (actually there are a lot of both, but let's not get into that), just fun and challenges to overcome.
I feel like I could go on and on forever about this shit and maybe I'll come back and write more later but this is what you get for now. I know I definitely want to talk about that pip-boy and some other shit but I need to take a break and play something before we dive into that bullshit.
*this text-editor tried to corrected "sakes" to "snakes" and I thought to myself, imagine fuck snakes. Speaking of which do snakes even fuck? They probably just lay eggs and then the other ones comes around and shoots his disgusting shit jizzum all over them and then little snakes come out to fuck shit up. Snakes are cool and all but keep em away from me bruh, I don't fuck with snakes. I'm more than certain I've heard the term "flying sex snakes" before, and it was probably from either Demonphoenix37 or Cards Against Humanity. Either of those could be correct, in fact, both could be correct. This isn't some quantum shit either, I'm not saying they could be both correct and incorrect at the same time, I'm saying that Demonphoenix could have mentioned it at some point and then later in life I bought that fucking game and there was a white card with the same thing on it and I laughed just as hard both times. FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE, IT COULD HAVE TOTALLY HAPPENED. Whatever, memory is all subjective bullshit anyways.